Many of us who have found ourselves in toxic relationships stop recognizing who we are. Where did that loving and kind person go? We get lost in defending ourselves, changing behaviors not to trigger our partner, and reacting in such an explosive manner that we do not recognize the person we have become. Reactivity is a common symptom experienced by those who are mentally and emotionally manipulated and abused. This is a trauma response. This behavior is a symptom of repeatedly being pushed to your limits and not feeling heard or seen. This reaction is a chemical response to an unsafe environment – your body is seeking safety.
Recognizing the sensation and gaining present moment awareness:
Do you recognize the signs when you are triggered? As we begin to work on our reactivity, it will be important to start to pay attention to how our body feels when we are about to be triggered, during the activation, and how we feel after. If this is hard to recognize right now, do not worry, you are not alone – learning to self-regulate is a skill many of us were never taught.
How to cope when feeling triggered:
- Remove your attention from the situation and focus on yourself
- Name the thoughts and feelings you are having
- Notice where you feel those emotions in your body
- Notice how your body is reacting, e.g., heartbeat, tension, blood pressure
- Say something compassionate to yourself, e.g., I am safe; I am love; I am worth
- Support yourself and self-soothe, e.g., deep breathing, grounding, journaling, walking, taking a shower, being with animals, exercising, talking to a friend, and connecting with nature.
Ask yourself, ‘Why am I emotionally reactive?’:
| I felt dismissed | I felt ignored | I felt attacked |
| I felt pressure | I felt gaslighted | I felt exposed |
| I felt afraid | I felt abandoned | I felt insulted |
| I felt manipulated | I felt rejected | I felt ashamed |
| I felt forgotten | I felt powerless | I felt judged |
| I felt trapped | I felt controlled | I felt bullied |
| I felt threatened | I felt belittled | I felt left out |
| I felt humiliated | I felt offended | I felt anxious |
| I felt betrayed | I felt dominated | I felt neglected |
| I felt alone | I felt helpless | I felt embarrassed |
| I felt excluded | I felt stressed | I felt intimidated |
| I felt frightened | I felt overlooked | I felt contained |
| I felt mistaken | I felt cornered | I felt left out |
| I felt scared | I felt overpowered |